Application Process and Challenges

How I ended up at Durham and the challenges I face

How it happened

When I first became serious about doctoral work, I set my eyes on the University of Aberdeen. I already had decided that I wanted to pursue a degree in theology (particularly historical theology) and I wanted to work on a degree within the context of a British university. Aberdeen’s theology faculty is prestigious, and Aberdeen (I believe) was one of if not the first British university to offer long-distance PhDs. Also, my husband earned his doctorate at Aberdeen.

Two and a half years ago (Nov. 2022) I met with an Aberdeen faculty member while we were at the American Academy of Religion (AAR) and Society of Biblical Literature (SBL) meetings and pitched an idea for my dissertation research (it was not my current project thesis, by the way!). He thought I was on to something and the conversation began. I was then introduced, along the way, to a colleague of his.

As I was determining if this was the research project I wanted to work on, several friends who already have PhDs gave me some friendly advice. They asked, What is a research question that will give you energy to work on for the next six years? I realized that the first idea I had been mulling over would not sustain me. I was curious but not passionate about that particular topic.

Thus, I began the process with the Lord determining what research question animates me. As I mentioned in my previous post, the question of comfort and certitude comes from a deeply personal place of my spiritual formation.

The following year (2023), I met with this Aberdeen colleague at AAR/SBL and ptiched a new idea (still not the idea I eventually landed on!). He was kind but direct—and it gave me a wake up call. He told me that I did not have a PhD research question yet. What I shared with him was too broad. His words humbled me but also helped set me in the right direction.

In the meantime, I also met with two faculty members (at different times) who teach at Beeson Divinity School. They both helped me clarify what eventually has become my topic. One of these, Piotr Małysz, directed me to a book, Are You Along Wise? The Search for Certainty in the Early Modern Era, by Susan E. Schreiner. The Lord was faithful, and between January-May 2024, a research question and general outline formed.

At the end of May 2024 I traveled to the University of Aberdeen for the Scottish Dogmatics Conference on behalf of my company to do some acquisitional work. While at the conference, I met again with this second Aberdeen faculty member and quickly laid out my (now current) question and research project. He affirmed that I had a research project and was able to visualize how I could organize my project. However, while the faculty at Aberdeen are more than capable to supervise me on such a project, none of the faculty (as I understood) were specialists in Medieval theology. Several theologians at the conference mentioned to me that I should seek out Prof. Simon Oliver at Durham.

When I returned from the conference in early June, I sent Prof. Oliver an email introducing myself and asking if we could have a conversation. Prof. Oliver politely replied, but before he would agree to a meeting, he wanted to know if I was a viable student. He requested documents like my CV and transcripts. He asked me about my education; how I’d pay for the degree; etc. Initially I thought, “All I want is a conversation!”

After answering his questions and sending to him the requested documents, he requested a written prospectus in a format that he sent to me. I emailed him my prospectus in July. After a week or so had passed, he was ready for the conversation. We scheduled it for early September.

As I was preparing for that meeting, I was not sure what to expect. In my mind, we were still having a conversation regarding his interest. To my surprise, Prof. Oliver offered me a place beginning fall 2025 as one of two students he would supervise this year. It was only later that I understood that I was applying for my PhD back in the summer without realizing that was what I was doing! When Prof. Oliver and I met during AAR/SBL a few months later in November, he affirmed this realization. As I understood from him, he receives many requests to discuss the possibility of doing a PhD but most of the requests come from unviable students or those who are not ready. Thus, he must be a good steward of his time so that he can supervise his current students and research by only having conversations with viable PhD students.

Once I received the verbal offer from Prof. Oliver, I had to officially apply to the university. Since Prof. Oliver had already requested all the documentation that I would need to submit to the university, I was able to apply quickly. I received my official and written acceptance on Nov. 18, 2024, the week of the annual conferences (ETS, AAR, SBL). This was a full circle moment for me since I began the PhD process at the annual conferences in 2022.

As I reflect on this process, I am amazed at God’s kindness to me. I’ve been out of school 17 years! I’m 42! And yet, Prof. Oliver, who is now the chair of the theology department at Durham and who only had two spots to give to PhD students this fall, chose me. I cannot emphasize how humbled I feel. I told him in November I feel equal parts excitement and fear. This hasn’t changed. I give thanks to God.

Challenges ahead and what’s next

I’ll quickly list the challenges (in no particular order) that I face as I look ahead. Many of these have been mentioned in the prayer portion of the last two posts. I share them because there may some of you who are thinking about PhD work.

1. Life is busy, and I work full-time. One of the challenges that both men and women who go back to school later in life face, but particularly women more so (if I can say that), is the competing factors of life and work. I’m somewhat jealous of those who can study full-time (as their full-time job). Indeed this would be the best case scenario. But in my case, my husband is a tenured, full professor, whose job will provide tuition assistance for our son to go to college in four years and wonderful retirement benefits. We cannot simply pick up and pack up our family for me to go to school. Additionally, we need my full-time income to make ends meet. Thus, I will have to find slivers of time in my week (early mornings, late nights, weekends, vacation, etc) to work on my PhD. Not only will my job compete with my time but so will other life commitments: my son’s schedule and needs, my husband’s schedule and needs, my dog, home, etc. Even as a part-time student, I will need to be dilligent to be able to finish my degree in six years. This challenge is why many women who are wives and mothers do not or cannot go on to the do their PhD (or masters!).
   

2. The financial cost is high. If I were to go to a research university in the U.S., I would likely qualify for a living/work stipend but this would require me to move. If I were a full-time student and lived in the place of the university (either here or abroad), I would be elligble for many scholarships. The opportunities would be high. After months of searching for scholarships or grant funding, there is to little to no funding for part-time, from-a-distance students. Additionally, Durham tells me that I am not eligible for FAFSA (federal aid student loan) unless I live in Durham. I have called FAFSA to verify, and I’m currently receiving competing reports. But as it currently stands, I cannot take out a FAFSA loan. At roughly (doing the math from pounds to dollars) $17K a year times 6 years not to mention the cost to travel to Durham once a year to two years or books, the cost is high. I have received some help from my church and family, and I’ve applied to one scholarship for which I won’t hear until later this spring. Thus the challenge of affording a degree is really difficult, again, especially for women who want to go back to school.
   

3. Brain space and feelings of inadequacy. My full-time job requires me to use my brain. My job is not physical (I sit a lot!). My job as an editor requires me to read, edit, write, and research. Thus, when I switch from day job to PhD job, my brain is already tired. It needs a break. Additionally, internal feelings of inadequacy evolve into thoughts of inadequacy that distract me even as I’m studying. Couple this with other distractions (for example, when I’m tired, I want to veg on a TV show or movie or scroll through Instagram), I will be challenged to persevere and remain focused.

As it relates to these three challenges, I’ve been repeating to myself, “I can do hard things.” No doubt this will be a reoccuring statement I tell myself. More importantly, however, are the words of the Lord through Scripture. I will continue to cling to his promises like,

“I will instruct you and show you the way to go; with my eye on you, I will give you counsel.” (Psalm 32:8)

“Trust in the Lord, and do what is good; dwell in the land and live securely. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desire. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act, making your righteousness shine like the dawn, your justice like the noonday.” (Psalm 37:3-6)

If this PhD program is where the Lord will have me, he will provide for me—he will multiply my few hours like the bread and the fish; he will somehow supply the funds I need; he will calm my mind with all its distractions like the way he calmed the sea; he will give me my daily bread. Even as I type this I trust that if Durham is not good for me or my family, he will show me and I will follow.

As it relates to what’s next, my supervisor assigned me a paper to write before October 1. Pray for me as I work on this paper. I am still under a book contract with Timothy George. I need to continue to work on my Latin. I would like to visit Durham and Norwich next summer.

For some people, it’s difficult to make sense of and see the value of such a degree since it doesn’t have monetary payoff. It’s not like a law or medical degree which has the promise of a good income when all is said and done. Additionally a theology degree isn’t practical. Going back to law and medicine, these degrees help people in ways that are seen. How does theology help people? Is theology necessary? Why study theology if it doesn’t have a worldly, monetarily payoff?

Perhaps these are questions I’ll explore next.

One final word

When I met with Prof. Oliver in November, he told me the following (paraphrasing):

“I want you to hear me say this to you. There will be times in your PhD journey that things are clicking and coming together. You will be excited and energized. But be warned, there will come a time when you want to give up and quit. You will hit a dead end; you will wonder why you signed up for this. If you know that you will encounter this, then you can be prepared. When this happens, know that I will help you get through it.”

Friends, I already feel that pull at times: can I do this? Am I crazy? Do I have what it takes?

Thank you for following along in my journey and most importantly praying for me.