Starting a PhD at 42

Journaling about my journey to Durham

Starting a substack several years ago was similiar to starting a blog. I posted quite a bit at first only to stop. When you have to prioritize all your many tasks and obligations day-by-day, writing my thoughts to the world fell to the bottom of that priority list.

So why am I back?

It’s not because I have more time; I actually have less time (so it seems). But many people have asked about my PhD journey: why? why now? what will you be studying? where? etc…

For those of you who want to keep up with me and my studies, this feels like a good place to do it. Plus, pursuing a PhD is very lonely (so I hear), and I know I need people in my corner praying and cheering for me.

Why a PhD now, at 42?

That’s a great question. Simple answer is: now is the time.

A PhD has been on my heart and mind for some time. For one, I love to ask questions and research. It energizes me.

Towards the end of my time at Beeson Divinity School, I became increasingly interested in the intellectual aspects of the Christian faith, particularly in the intersection of history and theology. After graduating in 2008, the desire for further studies in this area continued to intensify.

However, I was not ready, partly because I needed more time to mature, read, and study post-graduation to determine where God would have me focus. Many wise people who have earned PhDs have advised me to choose a topic that is worth spending years studying. It took me about 17 years to land on such a topic.

I also wasn’t ready, in part, because of family responsibilities. My husband has had a full-time, tenured professorship, which keeps us planted in one place as all his teaching occurs in person and not online. We have a son, who, due to his age, has demanded much. I also needed and continue to need to work full-time to bring extra income into the family. My husband and son suffer from autoimmune diseases, Crohn’s and Ulcerative Colitis, which creates other needs. Simply put: it hasn’t been a good time to pursue PhD work…until now.

What changed?

Let me begin with what hasn’t changed.

What hasn’t changed is the support of my husband. He has always encouraged me in this direction, and is ready to stand by me and help me. I have a note on my desk he wrote to me a year ago that reads: “I love you and you are gifted. And my heart is sad when I don’t see you researching! God made you for this. Don’t give up!”

But what has changed is that Philip, our son, starts high school this fall. He’s more independent, and is approaching the age where he can start working outside the home (should he want) and will soon be able to drive.

I am in a job and career that is conducive to working on a PhD. My company and boss encourage me to earn one and is supportive. Earning a PhD will actually help me in the career of academic publishing as opposed to my previous job.

I landed on a question that animates me and for which there is a hole in current scholarship. (More on that later.)

Most importantly, after years of prayer and discernment, together with my husband, we sense that this is the Lord’s doing and leading in my life. I feel strongly that this step is one of obedience to and trust in Jesus.

However, even if the time is now, where can I go? For I am only able to pursue a degree part-time (since I work full-time) and from a distance (since I cannot move due to my husband’s job).

Why Durham University and not a US-based university or seminary?

The main difference between a US PhD and a UK PhD is coursework. In the States, you are typically required to take two years of coursework before starting your dissertation. In the UK, you do not take coursework but jump straight into your research. Given my age and the amount of work I’ve done post-MDiv, I did not want to take more coursework.

Additionally, I knew that if I was going to spend time and money researching a topic, I wanted to be led and shaped by the best in the field. My husband earned his PhD in Scotland, and I appreciate the approach to research in the UK and the type of scholars they produce as a result.

Initially I was not looking at Durham. I had my sights on the University of Aberdeen in the UK, in part because their theology faculty is impressive and in part because I knew I could work on a degree part-time, from a distance.

When it became clear to me on a visit to Aberdeen this past May that the type of project I want to pursue was not a good match with any of the faculty’s research interests, given that the bulk of my research would be spent in medieval Christian theology, I set my sights on Durham after a few people recommended a scholar there by the name of Simon Oliver.

Before then, I did not know that Durham would even be a possibility much less if I would be accepted (more on that later). However, my focus was on finding a scholar who would be a good fit for my project and who would be willing to supervise me.

So why Durham? Because it’s where Simon Oliver, my first supervisor, and Karen Kilby, who is my second supervisor, teach, and I want to be formed as a theologian by them. (More on them later.)

The cherry on top is that Durham University’s Department of Theology and Religion is ranked one of the top 10 in the world (7th by QS World University Rankings and 2nd by the Guardian University Guide). Not only will I have the privilege of studying under Profs. Oliver and Kilby but also will have the privilege of being shaped and formed by one of the world’s leading theology programs and departments in the world.

I am still shocked and humbled that I was accepted. And yet, I struggle with major imposter syndrome and have no idea how we will be able to afford it.

In my next post, I’ll continue journaling about my PhD journey and answering questions, like what am I studying, who are my supervisors, what did it look like to apply, why is it more difficult for women to pursue theology degrees, etc.

For those of you who are interested, I plan to journal about my PhD research as a way to help me process (at least this is the plan!). As a perfectionist, what often holds me back from writing public notes or blog posts is wanting to perfect my sentences and thoughts. This inevitably keeps me from not posting anything public at all! Thus, I’m going to try to be a bit more free-spirited so that I can keep these updates going (read: there will be mistakes!).

Thank you for reading along!

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For those who are asking how you can best support or help me, the following are several ways:

• Pray. I am currently studying Latin at Samford to prepare for PhD work. I also have a 30-page assignment to turn around by October for PhD, and I am still writing a book with Dr. Timothy George. Pray for me to stay focused, that I won’t self-sabotage by being overcome by thoughts of imposter syndrome or can-nots. Pray for me to have energy. Pray for me to be self-disciplined and not distracted. Pray for me to continue to trust God (there’s much struggle with faith that God will provide in various ways). Pray for my family as they support me. Pray for God to provide for my tuition. I have failed to find any scholarships that will apply to students studying part-time and from a distance. Also, I am not eligible for a FAFSA loan since I will not be studying in person.

• Help me build my library. I do not like to ask for financial help or fundraise. It feels awkward and wrong. And yet, the cost of this degree is great and will be paid out of pocket for the next six years, and some of you are asking how you can help in addition to praying. If that is you, then, one small way that you can help me is with the cost of books I need for research. I’ve begun making a book list on Amazon.